The Sorting that went wrong
by Heir of Darkness
Summary: PG that to be safe. My first Humor fic, so if it's horrible, don't be too hard. It's about a sorting ceremony in which the Hat is not able to finish its song, because the Students keep interrupting it, and it all ends rather oddly. Plese Review.


Author's note : What if the Sorting Hat's song was instead sung by the four Houses ? What would they say about each other ? And it takes place in our main characters' Sixth year. And, oh, before I forget, my first Humour fic, so if it sucks, don't be too hard on me. I personally find it funny, but then that's just me and my weirdness.   


The Sorting that went wrong   
By Heir of Darkness 

McGonnagal brought the Sorting Hat onto the platform. It rested, as always, on its stool, dusty and looking like it hasn't been used for more than a year. Which it was. The Hat opened its "mouth" and begins to sing. Or rather tried to begin to sing. Nobody knew exactly what had happened to the Students that day, did they all take one dose too much EPO, or was there something in the air, did someone replace the pumpkin juice by strong liquor ? Well it rather looked like it, because the agitation in the Hall was so great that except for the shaking first years no one could be seen not talking in the entire room, and all the teachers soon fled in fear of a catastrophein front of the growing noise. Not that the students noticed. The first part of the song went rather well, except for the fact that the chatter was so loud that no one heard one single word of what the Sorting Hat sang. And it rather upset it, for this year he had prepared an especially good song for all to enjoy. It was when it came to the Houses part that the miracle, or shall we say the disaster, happened. 

When the Hat said the very first word of the "part", which was "to", the Hall suddenly went as silent as a graveyard, and the Hat, feeling relieved, took a deep breath, if it could breathe, to sing as loud as ever. 

"To Gryffindor goes …" 

The first year never knew who exactly went into Gryffindor, for at that exact moment the Hat was silenced by a yell so strong that some of the hats of the younger students flew away from their heads. It appeared that all the Gryffindor students had gotten up from their places, to stand some on the floor, well as usual, some on the chairs, some on the table, throwing their fists in the air, and shouting at the top of their lungs. 

"THE BOLD AND THE DARING !" 

The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables erupted in whispers, in very ordained whispers, one must say, for they all echoed : 

"The ready, thought too impulsive." 

All Slytherins sneered in their own fashion , but only one person spoke up.   
  
"The filthy Mudblood scum." 

All Gryffindors sat stiff in their chairs, frozen from indignation, till one single voice came from a girl, breaking the utter silence. 

"Sod off, Malfoy !" 

A very atonished red-head and a rather stunned Harry Potter -can you imagine, THE Harry Potter !- looked at her, or rather googled at her. 

" Hermione ?" 

The girl snapped back angrily. 

"What ?" 

But the two boys never got the chance to tell her, because the Sorting Hat seemed to have regained its composure, and began to sing again. 

"To Slytherin goes …" 

Once again it was interrupted by the Gryffindors, this time very revengeful looking Gryffindors. 

"The Evil, The Traitors !" 

The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables once again whispered as one. 

"The ambitious, the cunning." 

The Slytherins all sat back like militaries, which means exactly together, but with that difference that the militaries would surely not be allowed to have that kind of huge grins plastered over their faces. 

"The worthy to be taught !" 

A blonde-haired boy, which had previously been called Malfoy by the Gryffindor girl, but is basically known in the fanfiction circle as "the hot bad boy everyone is in love with", well, almost everyone, because some prefer our beloved Sirius, and then, I'll shut up now, because I have to go on with the story, stood up, and quickly did a kind of a mocking bow, which was welcomed rather rudely by the other tables, for they all began "boooing" him. A fight nearly broke up between the two rival Houses, and it took the Sorting Hat to begin to sing again to calm everyone down. A first year had fainted during the process, but no one really noticed. 

"To Ravenclaw goes …" 

Poor Sorting Hat, it really seemed like that this year, the students had decided not to let him finish his song. Fred and George Weasley having at last graduated, therefore freeing him from an enormous weight, it had expected to at last have some peace, but no, it looked like the remaining students had plotted something to hold up to their favorite pranksters reputation. And even the Ravenclaws, the good, old, wise Ravenclaws, was joining the commotion ! What would have Rowena said ? Yes, this time it was the Ravenclaw table which erupted. 

"THE SMART AND THE CLEVERS !" 

The Gryffindors moaned. 

"The boring, the book-worms." 

The same bushy-haired girl spoke again. 

"What's wrong with book-worms ?" 

But no one listened to her, for the Slytherins had once again leaned against the chairs' backrest, and everyone was waiting for what they would say. Like the same idea had crossed their head at the same time -well, great minds think alike, you know.- they all, except Crabbe and Goyle -they are not exactly what I would call "great minds"-, said with a mocking smile and exaggeratedly sweet voices. 

"The stuck-up know-it-alls." 

Three simple words, which two of them were composed, ok, but that leaves the third one to be simple, succeeded in making the "Blue Table" look as nasty as a table of criminals. However the Hat seemed to have caught up with what was happening, because before the Ravenclaws had a chance to lunge at the Slytherins, it screamed at the top of its voice, decided not to let itself be interrupted this time.. 

"TO HUFFLEPUFF GOES …" 

Unfortunately, the students' will seemed stronger than the Hat's, and their voices sure were. The Yellow-colored table unanimously burst up. 

"THE LOYAL TO THEIR FRIENDS !" 

The Gryffindors and Ravenclaws went one further, shouting a murderous glare to the Slytherins, which superbly ignored it. 

"TO THEIR CAUSE !" 

The Silvery table did not seem to agree with this theory. And all Hogwarts knew that when the "Snakes" did not approve a theory, you'd better start wearing your helmet and find your wand quick, and revise in your head every counter-curse you knew. They stared fixedly at the chandelier, some of them whistling, trying to look innocent, but everyone sensible knew that they were up to something. A simple sarcastic whisper was heard this time, and by saying this were they aware that they were signing their own being-beaten-flat-by-your-worst-enemies-sentence ? I did not say death, I did not say death. They mused. 

"To their doom ?" 

Those words were enough to create the greatest Chaos in the once solemn and made to impress Great Hall. Well, the fight in there was sure impressive, but certainly not in the way its creator must have imagined it. And it was rather one-sided, for it was quite like "everyone vs. Slytherin". It is very likely that this day, all four founders rolled over in their graves at the very same time, sighing over the lost pride of each of their Houses. 

There was no Sorting Ceremony this year at Hogwarts, for all the First years had run away screaming bloody murder, begging their parents when they got home for being transferred to Beauxbâtons, Durmstrang, Salem or whatever place as long as very far away from this lunatic asylum.   


Disclaimer : I own nothing, except for the insanity.   
  



End file.
